1. Taoism: Shit happens.
2. Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
3. Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
4. Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
5. Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
6. Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
7. Creationism: God made all shit.
8. Unitarianism: Come! Let us reason together about this shit.
9. Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
10. Darwinism: This shit was once food.
11. Capitalism: That’s MY shit.
12. Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.
13. Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.
14. Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS.
15. Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
16. Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
17. Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
18. Atheism: What shit?
19. Nihilism: No shit.
20. Capitalism: When shit happens, it’ll cost you!
21. Environmentalism: Shit happens, but it’s biodegradable.
22. Voodoo: Shit doesn’t just happen : somebody dumped it on you.
23. Kama sutra: F**k this shit.